Is Sex Before Marriage Really a Sin?

Great questions… I recently had a discussion with my student leadership team about this topic and would like to share some of the thoughts that were shared:

Some of the main things that were shared oriented around what are sexual behaviors and what are the outcomes of those behaviors. As my wife and I look back as past relationships, we recognize that some behaviors that we engaged in during relationships prior to ours did not produce brokeness in our relationship. However there were other behaviors that did produce brokeness in our relationship and we would avoid those behaviors if we could turn back time. I believe that it is difficult for students to look beyond their current circumstances and see the potential brokeness that might be caused by their pursuit of sexual behavior, especially for future relationships if their current relationship ends.

We also focused much of our discussion around what people wanted their sexual relationship to look like with a future spouse. We often talk about what to avoid, but we do not spend much time talking about what we should pursue. As you have a better picture of what you want, might that influence your current sexual expression in order to reach that goal? One key thing that people wanted was safety, but not safety like our world describes it. “Safe Sex” is often limited to just physical implications of disease or unwanted pregnancies, but is this the only safety we want? I believe we need to look at the other dimensions of our humanity and ask if they are truly safe as we enter into a sexual relationship with someone. Sex feels risky enough at times, even in the context of marriage.

A final point that one person brought up was the implications of divorce within our culture and the bearing it has on the “safety” of marriage. Perhaps waiting till marriage isn’t enough? Perhaps developing stronger marriages that are safe is key. Any thoughts?

Another thought from “Sex God” by Rob Bell… in Biblical times, having sex with someone was equated to being married. They were one in the same. Rob Bell calls for a higher view of sex. If people decide to act like they are married in their sexual relationship, are they willing to also act like they are married in other aspects of their relationship. Is there integrity to this principle throughout their relationship?

I have always been what you may term a fundamentalist, taking our interpeted bible as God’s word end of story. If you take our bibles as received, then there is no doubt that sex outside of marriage is a sin. If you look back at the original Greek (in an impartial way), then the situation is totally different. Finding true interpretations from unbiased sources is worse than finding a needle in a haystack I would warn you. Our word “fornication” does mean sex outside of marriage. However this word only came into use around 1300. The original Greek words (Porneia, etc) do not mean sex outside of marriage, it appears. They can include this when interpretations are broadened, which it appears is what has happened. The original meaning of the words in place of the badly translated “fornication” meant prostitution and Idol worship, etc, and this type of immorality. There are 2 very good sites to Google. They are “Fornication – Original Greek” and “Fornication – Original Greek (more)”. I do not agree fully with everything on these as they have gone too far the other way, but have gone a good direction towards the truth I feel. The sites (and information) that provide evidence that sex outside of marriage is not a sin, are very much in the minority. That does not mean they are wrong however. It is necessary to look for yourself in an extremely cynical (and impartial) way. Don’t beleive the endless “spin” but find out for yourself.