Is Sex Before Marriage Really a Sin?

Does that sound like a loaded question to you?

Loaded or not, this is a question that more and more young believers are asking — and in all seriousness.

There seems to be a growing belief among some Christians that sex BEFORE marriage is NOT a sin.

They can quote to you all of the biblical passages that talk about adultery, and give there rational for why they believe those passages only apply to married and divorced individuals.

They can also likely quote to you the biblical passages that talk about sexual immorality, with justification as to how sex BEFORE marriage does not fit within that context either.

They make a good case.  But I’m not quite sure who they’re trying to convince…

It seems to me that there are a growing number of young Christians that are crafting, or being taught, a working theology for why they SHOULD have sex BEFORE marriage.

I must admit, while I’ve become quite good at not getting rattled when students share with me some of their thoughts, struggles and/or questions, this is one that always seems to catch me off guard.

And if I’m honest, there’s a part of me that gets it.

Most college students have hormones that are absolutely raging… and they’re trying to believe that God’s got a plan for both the long-term, AND the short-term, when it comes to their sexual desires.  But they struggle to see the short-term plan.  They feel weak in the knees and shaky, at best, in their faith.

So, I believe, these young Christians set out on a quest.  A quest to find a short-term plan for their sexual desires that gives them a ‘God-sanctioned’ way of dealing with all of their sexual urges.

They ask: Does the bible REALLY say that sex before marriage is a sin?

Well, no.  At least not in those exact words.

And from there they begin to build there case… their theology… for why sex before marriage is not really a sin.

There’s little, if any, attention given to the notion that maybe — just maybe — their ‘present suffering’ is meant to produce something in them — something much more than sexual angst and frustration.  Things like:

Purity

Endurance

Patience

Integrity

Loyalty

Faithfulness

Strength

Holiness

And the list could go on.  But I think you see what I’m getting at.

The question is, how do we get our students to see this?

How do we get them to value these things above fulfilling their immediate sexual desires?

What do you think?  Is sex before marriage REALLY a sin?

Sex & the Soul Homepage ]
About the author: Guy Chmieleski
Guy is the Founder and President of Faith On Campus. He is also the University Minister at Belmont University in Nashville, TN. He is the author of Shaping Their Future: Mentoring Students Through Their Formative College Years and CAMPUS gODS: Exposing the Idols That Can Derail Your Present and Destroy Your Future.
  • MJ

    I love how you said this: “maybe — just maybe — their ‘present suffering’ is meant to produce something in them — something much more than sexual angst and frustration. ” Perspective is everything. If I can get outside myself to recognize that my “present suffering” doesn’t compare to the glory that is to be revealed in me, it can lesson the present angst and frustration. Of course, how can I keep that perspective if I’m watching programming, listening to music and reading material that keeps my focus on my “present suffering”? Can I? God help us all to pursue the virtues Guy listed above.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks MJ!

    • Raphael

       Amen.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      The pursuit of happines is much like the pursuit of perfection, you can pursuit it but can never really attain it, if you did you would be divine. This does not relativize virtue or its importance on our lives, but it does place it in perspective and in the real world, I dont mean the real world of MTV, I mean realizing this truth removes the obstacles of abstract virtues. Listening to music and reading material that speaks of ”my suffering” is not as harmful as you think, I would argue that its actually beneficial and I am not talking about watching porn either. There are plenty of movies, music, books that are not what you would call explicitely Christian but that have a christian soul and heart to it. If reading things about that suffering was in itself wrong this discussion would be meaningless and all you could read was the Bible and whatever your pastor handed over to you, much like the catholic church did on the past which had an index of forbidden books and such..they admitted their view of censoring was an error and have ever since abolished this law, cause it was a law. The catholic church whatever you may think of her, matured because of this. The holy spirit moves and goes where it pleases, you cannot contain it or restrain it like a Genie in a bottle, no one owns the Spirit, and if you read with attention the words of the new testament, you will surely find than more often then not, those who were outside considered heretics, sinners not of the true God, were the ones God used to prove that there our good men in all races, religions etc. The story of the Good Samaritan is the king of this truth….remember what happened? I urge you to read it, it will change your life.

  • Wendell Witter

    Great questions… I recently had a discussion with my student leadership team about this topic and would like to share some of the thoughts that were shared:

    Some of the main things that were shared oriented around what are sexual behaviors and what are the outcomes of those behaviors. As my wife and I look back as past relationships, we recognize that some behaviors that we engaged in during relationships prior to ours did not produce brokeness in our relationship. However there were other behaviors that did produce brokeness in our relationship and we would avoid those behaviors if we could turn back time. I believe that it is difficult for students to look beyond their current circumstances and see the potential brokeness that might be caused by their pursuit of sexual behavior, especially for future relationships if their current relationship ends.

    We also focused much of our discussion around what people wanted their sexual relationship to look like with a future spouse. We often talk about what to avoid, but we do not spend much time talking about what we should pursue. As you have a better picture of what you want, might that influence your current sexual expression in order to reach that goal? One key thing that people wanted was safety, but not safety like our world describes it. “Safe Sex” is often limited to just physical implications of disease or unwanted pregnancies, but is this the only safety we want? I believe we need to look at the other dimensions of our humanity and ask if they are truly safe as we enter into a sexual relationship with someone. Sex feels risky enough at times, even in the context of marriage.

    A final point that one person brought up was the implications of divorce within our culture and the bearing it has on the “safety” of marriage. Perhaps waiting till marriage isn’t enough? Perhaps developing stronger marriages that are safe is key. Any thoughts?

    Another thought from “Sex God” by Rob Bell… in Biblical times, having sex with someone was equated to being married. They were one in the same. Rob Bell calls for a higher view of sex. If people decide to act like they are married in their sexual relationship, are they willing to also act like they are married in other aspects of their relationship. Is there integrity to this principle throughout their relationship?

    • MJ

      “Perhaps waiting till marriage isn’t enough? Perhaps developing stronger marriages that are safe is key. Any thoughts?” – YES YES! Agreed. Getting married so you can finally have guilt-free sex is like going to college so you can finally get out of your parents’ home. The freshman should be looking forward to learning and growing and maturing at college. And the single person should be looking forward to doing the same in marriage. And the more we focus on preparing college students for marriage (while teaching them how to embrace celibacy, like Christine Colon’s final post laid out) the less onerous waiting for sex becomes.

    • Anonymous

      Wendell! Thanks so much for sharing this!! I’d love to know what prompted this discussion with your students… how you framed the conversation… and how you were able to get everyone to feel comfortable sharing about something so intimate.

      It seems to me that there is a stewardship component to our sexual expression. How do we care for ourselves? Others? Our future relationship(s)? The future relationships of others that we are currently dating? How do we conduct ourselves — NOW — in ways that will prepare us to be a strong partner in marriage?

      It’s SO easy for our students (and most anyone) to think selfishly when it comes to their sexual desires… and only for the most immediate of needs.

      We need to find ways to help our students look further down the road… into the corridor of their future… so that they are taking the appropriate relational/sexual steps now that will later yield the kind of marriage/sexual partner they desire to someday be for a spouse.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=521745007 Timothy Wright

    Hi,

    You know what your students want, Law not grace, rules not freedom, structures not relationships. They are a product of a culture that has almost lost the capacity to see with the eyes of their heart. CS Lewis said: “Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” The Weight of Glory.

    As men and women who belong to our Father it is incumbent on us to lead this students into a greater revelation of the beauty of the Trinity. Rules, morals, consequences can not make us walk in His freedom, only an experience of his love that truly captures our heart.

    Tim

    • Anonymous

      Good stuff Tim!

      How does this look for you, where you serve? How do you help students who want to learn ‘through experience’, and not through ‘the wisdom of others’, that they may be settling for mud pies — or heading towards mud pies, and not the beach???

      I’d love to hear more!

      • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

        we need both…experience and the wisdom of others..they can both be great decievers if they are not tested or veryfied, and any moral code can be verified, we are not talking spirit here this are matters of the flesh, the physical world, every moral action has a physical consequence that can be measured, no need for dogmas here.

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  • http://twitter.com/jasongleonard Jason Leonard

    As a college pastor here in Tennessee, I come into contact with a lot of those questions as well. A few months back I thought it would be fun to tackle the question, “Why does the Bible have all sorts of lists of who and what to not have sex with…but it never really addresses the situation we are in the most: committed relationships with people whom we love that we aren’t married to?” It was fun, to say the least. Audio and video here, if anyone is interested:
    http://thehouseutcsermons.wordpress.com/2010/10/22/what-was-god-thinking-a-conversation-about-sex/

    • Guest

      Honestly, your talk really hurt me. I (Speaking as a Christian who has waited to have sex with the one person I am meant to marry and be with my entire life) have chosen to take someone who isn’t a virgin, because she had sex before she was saved, as my wife. Through God’s grace and mercy, he has saved her and changed her, and made her new, and your talk made me doubt that. Like it doesn’t matter that we are married, she is still married to the guy she had sex with first. Because that is the biblical idea. That hurts man, that hurts real bad. 

      • http://www.rileyadamvoth.com/ Riley Adam Voth

        Aaaah! I said to myself there was no way I was going to reply to any of these comments. I simply wanted to skim thru em to get an idea of what people are thinking, but here I am, two from the end and you got me. I’m just hoping you followed this thread and you’ll get this, @Guest.

        I hope I can offer some encouragement and correct thinking on this semi-crazy talk.

        ***Ok, I wrote it out, and it looked way too long, on a simple, third tier, comment space. So I stuck it on my blog because I figured it’d be something that some of my crowd would want/need to hear anyways.

        I’ve known and dealt with your thoughts, myself, both for myself and my wife… soo pleeeease, go read it. I didn’t wanna blog on it, I wanted you to hear it. http://www.rileyadamvoth.com/2012/07/does-sex-equal-marriage-what-does-it.html

      • alexes

        then i would be “married” to my rapist. right? i think that is garbage. marriage is of the heart, body and soul – and your wife is just that YOUR WIFE. she isn’t married to the other man, she is married to you. and she IS new in Christ. new – fresh, remade. don’t you dare let someone else’s interpretation of the bible threaten what God has given you.

      • Jason Leonard

        At this point, I’m sure this won’t be read, but in the chance that it does… I am very sorry to have hurt you. I did not intend that at all and I hope you’ll forgive me. My intention in the talk was to consider why sex is sacred and how we can understand its value and importance. I had sex with multiple women in my youth and I am thankful that, because of Jesus, this doesn’t define them. Like me, they can find forgiveness and new life in Christ. This article from Tim Challies is a good follow up to this conversation: http://www.challies.com/articles/we-are-all-virgins-now

        The best quote is here:
        “God does not look upon his people as non-virgins and virgins, spoiled and unspoiled, defiled and undefiled. He does not see two classes of people: those who have waited to experience sex within marriage and those have not.”

        The talk I posted above was not responding to the evangelical right… it was responding to the common, cultural eye-rolling that anyone would take virginity so seriously. So I wanted to look at it from the beginning, discovering the wisdom and purpose in God’s plan, then discuss how must and can only live that out in the grace and mercy of Jesus.

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  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_WHINY2BQDVETDQBBD4WBVEEVMA Janelle

    I know this was posted a while back, and you may not even get this comment, but I have a friend that is very lost on the subject of premarital sex. Like you said in your discussion, “They can also likely quote to you the biblical passages that talk about sexual immorality, with justification as to how sex BEFORE marriage does not fit within that context either.” and that is exactly what my friend does. I try and quote back another scripture that I have found that corrects him, and still he argues on. I know that sometimes when you argue with a person it can make the situation worse, but I just feel so strongly that he needs to understand that if he goes through with this he will be doing something he cannot undo. I guess what I’m trying to get at is that we both need prayer. Him that he will make the right decision and me that I can get through to him with the help of God, that God will give me the words that I need to help him and show him what he believes is wrong. If you have any advice I would welcome it greatly! thank you so much!
    God Bless

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      I think the problem rests upon what whe think the bible is and how it got worked out and written. The Bible is a man searching for the true God, its a written account of that search, which is the greatest and most importan search one can do, but in that search many mistakes are made and taught, yes God inspired the Bible but he did not write it as you or as I used to think. This is why you see so many sins and contradictions all the way from Genesis to the last word of the new testament. Dont get me wrong though I am not saying the Bible is the word of God, but you cannot take away that is also written by men, with the same prejudices of their age. Jesus is the way, he gave us principles to question the status quo of the religious stablisment of his age and every age to come. Remember Jesus died as the consequence of the Law, both roman and Judaic. Jesus death is the fulfillment of the curse of the Law on both sides. This is why Jesus showed so much mercy towards the sinners but was implacable with the scribes and pharisees, the ones that taught the Law.

  • Ray Harwood

    I have always been what you may term a fundamentalist, taking our interpeted bible as God’s word end of story. If you take our bibles as received, then there is no doubt that sex outside of marriage is a sin. If you look back at the original Greek (in an impartial way), then the situation is totally different. Finding true interpretations from unbiased sources is worse than finding a needle in a haystack I would warn you. Our word “fornication” does mean sex outside of marriage. However this word only came into use around 1300. The original Greek words (Porneia, etc) do not mean sex outside of marriage, it appears. They can include this when interpretations are broadened, which it appears is what has happened. The original meaning of the words in place of the badly translated “fornication” meant prostitution and Idol worship, etc, and this type of immorality. There are 2 very good sites to Google. They are “Fornication – Original Greek” and “Fornication – Original Greek (more)”. I do not agree fully with everything on these as they have gone too far the other way, but have gone a good direction towards the truth I feel. The sites (and information) that provide evidence that sex outside of marriage is not a sin, are very much in the minority. That does not mean they are wrong however. It is necessary to look for yourself in an extremely cynical (and impartial) way. Don’t beleive the endless “spin” but find out for yourself.

    • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

      Ray, sorry I missed this when you originally posted… but are you suggesting that sex outside of marriage is not a sin? If so, I’d love to hear your reasoning. This post gets hits everyday from people who do a web search asking: “Is sex before marriage a sin?” I’m not trying to be antagonistic… but as someone who works with college students — many of whom want to justify much of their behavior — I’m very curious to hear your insight. 

  • Marcusjordan6759@gmail.com

    NNo it’s not a sin. That’s final.

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  • Tom

    It’s kind of ironic that christians can get very passionate about sex before marriage because they consider it a sin, even when it’s not addressed directly in scripture. Passing judgement on our fellow man is addressed in several areas, and specifically by Jesus, so every christian should be very cautious with how condemning they appear when they take up such a strong stance. Solomon had 700 wives, and 300 concubines but scripture points out that his sin was intermarrying foreign wives, turning away from God, and worshipping other Gods/Idols. Sex with the 300 concubines would have been outside of marriage, and it would have been a perfect opportunity to point this out as unlawful, if it was indeed the case. It would be a much better response to tell young men and women that; “We don’t know,” then to condemn or justify a topic like pre-marital sex. We should point them to the applicable scripture and tell them to pray and meditate on what God is telling them in their hearts and not be so judgmental. Jesus tells us that in the beginning, God’s intention was to be one man and one woman, but he doesn’t take the opportunity to condemn relationships outside of this context. He also says; “Therefor what God has joined together, let no man separate.” Did Jesus mean this as a formal marriage in a church, or a union of sex between man and woman. Then we need to ask and discern; is this relationship from God.

    • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

      Tom, I’m curious, are you condoning sex outside of marriage??? If so, what biblical rationale would you give?

      • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

        he just gave it to you! what he wrote is the biblical rationale man.

    • alexes

      i have been told by an Orthodox Jewish man who could read the original Hebrew that “concubine” is the wrong translation. it is really “lesser wife”. they were married, but in a way that made it evident the husband favoured his primary wives.

  • Tom Pounder

    Just seeing this for the 1st time…as I talked this over with one of my members of our Family Ministry Team, we believe it is clear that God created man in woman and they were in union (marriage) together…the 2 became 1…it is in that context that God said to them be fruitful and multiply.  God never said for us to be fruitful and enjoy sex outside of that context.  So any other belief/rationale against that, we believe to be wrong and not God’s intent which equals sin

    • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

      Hey Tom P., I tend to agree with you… but there seems to be a Christian contingent that believes that because the Bible does not strictly (word for word) condemn sex outside of marriage — than it most be OK. 

      I know you’re a part of the “Orange” community of family ministers… do you (they) have a biblical rationale for the student who comes to you and says… “can you show me where it says that in the Bible?”

      • A Widow

        I have a question for you Guy – What about a widow or widower in their late 50s, early 60s. That person may not want to necessiarly get married again, but do desire the closeness of a member of the opposite sex, including sexual relations. Are you saying that these individuals should never have sex again, even in a committed albeit non-mariatal relationship, unless they are married?

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      That makes more sense, but I think the real reason people want to get to the bottom of this issue is to avoid Hell. Like I said before, everything we do is intrisically linked to our belief in what salvation is, how it is achieved, is it by works or faith? some say by faith, others say without works faith is dead, so it most be both, I am clueless and searching for answers. But I am also conviced we shoud do the right thing even if there was no heaven or hell,even if God did not exist, for what we do to others matters as much as we can do to God. ”anyone that says that loves God but hates his brother is a liar”, I think we are all guilty of this sin at some point in our lives, maybe all our lives for that matter, we seem to enjoy the damnation of others a little to much at times, even when we dont openly or explicetely admit it, we almost think inwardly that some and sometimes most deserve the eternal fire, usually excluding ourselves from that outcome.

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  • Naomi2112 Ac

    No one has answered the question yet

    • Jeff

      Please see my reply. I think you’ll be satisfied like me- because no one had the guts to examine and present the scriptures in whole.

  • Jane

    Im a 22yr old Lutheran who was intimate with her long term boyfriend. Once we began to be intimate he saw my vulnerability and began to manipulate and abuse me. It wasn’t until we were intimate that the truth about him started to surface. I left him and have been calibrate for two and a half years, but I believe intimacy is such a large part of a deep relationship and helps you connect and understand each other more that I feel I want to have sex before marage again. For the record I don’t have a high sex drive and want this for lust reasons, I’m perfectly happy to wait but I want that connectedness that comes from it, the deeper understanding. If I married before this and the connection in this aspect wasn’t there it may lead to divorce something that terrifies me far more than sex before marriage.

    • http://photosynth.net/userprofilepage.aspx?user=Nathanael Nate Lawrence

      Jane, reading this is heartbreaking.

      I don’t know the particulars of your previous relationship and I haven’t heard your ex-boyfriend’s side of the story.

      Speaking frankly, from a man’s perspective, though, if a man is willing to have sex with you before he promises to love you for the rest of his life (and I mean publicly – a promise in the presence of those who love God and both of you who will hold you both accountable when things get difficult), he isn’t worth marrying because he isn’t willing to submit himself to God’s commands and he isn’t willing to respect you or your parents enough to protect you by promising before God to never abandon or stop loving you before demanding the pleasure of being with you physically.

      I understand (at least in part) your fear that a man you love may be harboring something dark that you wouldn’t discover unless you get closer through the intimacy that is formed in sex, but this demonstrates a lack of trust on your part towards God that He won’t hear your prayer for a husband who is committed to God above all else and therefore will be faithful to you and will be open to correction and/or discipline by other believers if they see him ever relating to you in an inappropriate way after you are married.

      Our eyes need to be on Yeshua. Is the man who is pursuing you living out the commands of Yeshua? Does he submit himself to Biblical authority? Does he actively reach out to others to disciple them and nurture their relationship with God? Does he find a way to care for others and give of his time? Is he submitting himself to the image of our Messiah? If not, he does not love Him and he is not (yet/presently) husband material for you (or any daughter of God).

      Some good advice that I heard from a woman recently is that what she came to finally was that she couldn’t base how she was going to relate to a man who was interested in her by listening to what he said to her, but rather only by paying attention to his actions to determine who he actually is.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

        Everything you say is true but….the point is the guilt one feels about not just sex but sin in general…its the rigidity of all these moral laws that drive all of us nuts including you, all laws should be guide lines, very serious guide lines, but when you start talking about the eternal fire that comes if one is not able to fully comprehend or accept in its totality all the moral laws.then it becomes not the gospel but slavery, its spirtual totalitarianism..conform or die basically, I am not saying laws are irrelevant we need them to be better humans and sons of God, but the way they are enforced on us from the moment we are born is almost evil to me. God has to be more than this, if he is the God Jesus preached of course.

  • Giants66

    sex is marriage … in our Father’s eyes.   If your not with the one you gave your virginity to …you are committing adultery…   This is the adversary’s great end time deception

    your church says it’s sin but they never tell you WHY !!!  they don’t want you to know because then you won’t get married in the church and wedding bring in too much cash for them to give it up !

    • Dad of Faith

      Sex is for procreation, God made it pleasurable so we would have children. these are desires of the natural man.

      sex with a loving partner in a committed (married) relationship have a lot less negative repercussions, and the couple are more prepared for them.

      I understand fornication to mean ANY sexual expression or activity outside of marriage.

      So, … to all you guys, if you want her to be pure at the alter, why shouldn’t you stay pure for her.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

        Life is not that simple. the real repercussions come from reserving sex exclusively for procreation..this thought comes from St. Augustine he thought every sexual act had to be for the generation of a new life. Even worst, he came to believe for a while that sex in itself was evil, but given human nature we had to at least allow it for procreation!!..he argued that original sin was precisely connected with adam and eve having sex, original sin is transmitted kind of like aids according to him and most pastors, priests, popes and all the rest. A demonizing of sex, the flesh, the body and in turn a sacralization and overly santification of the soul and everything spiritual. But thank God this is not Christian!..it was a distortion inherited from the Manicheans, a sect that mixed christian beliefs with zaroastrianism and other things..gnostic and the like. Jesus never spoke in this matter, only for procreation? thats is nuts and the real reason why this world is in chaos, because sexuality is the mos intimate expression of the human person, it goes to the core of being. It has been manipulated throughout history in quite evil ways, from the pulpit to the pits of hell!..no one has got it right yet maybe only Jesus but we have to get to the heart of what he was talking about, and repression along with distortions are not the true Gospel.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

        Wrong teaching, thats a manichean way of seeing the world and not christian, it was given to us by St. augustine who was influenced by this sect who thought the body, the flesh and thus sex were evil!!!..sex is so much more than mere coupling, thats for monkeys!!!!! humans are quite something else entirely!..we have emotions, deep deep emotions that go far beyond procreation like guinea pigs!..reducing sex to this is just as bad as its other harmful extreme namely PORN!

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      you are insane.

      • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

        AB Salazar, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts here. I would ask that you please keep your opinions oriented towards the topic at hand, and not the people who share them. There are plenty of people who would agree with this comment (and it’s author), and so my rule of thumb for all choose to engage in conversation here is simple: be civil, thoughtful, and respectful of others – otherwise you run the risk of being blocked. Thanks for understanding and following these simple guidelines.

        • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

          You are totally right Guy, I pologyze, its a hot topic and I can get carried away easily, sometimes I forget there are a thousand points of view in this world that I only see some as relevant, but you are correct I should be more respectful of those in disagreement.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      You are insane or blind God help you.

      • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

        AB Salazar,

        This is your second warning. Please be respectful of other people or you will be blocked.

        Guy

        • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

          I understand please read my apology in other parts. I was wrong in how I said those things, yet I hold to the core of what I believe.

  • Giants66

    think about it … Joseph wanted to put Mary away when he found out that she was with child … that meant she wasn’t a virgin = someone else wife 

    he wanted nothing to do with her …. this is the marriage law …. when 2 become 1 flesh … man leaves his father and mother   … he and she only leave ONCE

  • Reflection

    Yes, the Bible says sex before marriage is a sin, but as I mentioned on another page of your site, some Christian people do not get married until age 40 or beyond.

    This happens a lot more than people realize. I frequently run into Christians who are still not married at the age of 50 or 40 (like me).

    I’m a Christian female in her early forties who has never had sex. I was waiting until marriage to have sex, and now it looks like marriage may never happen.

    Pre marital may be a sin, and the Bible forbids a believer marrying a non believer, but I am seriously considering both or either option (sex outside of marriage or marrying an unbeliever) at this stage in life.

    It’s been shown in studies that single Christian females around the age of 30 to 50 now outnumber Christian males in that same age range. There may not be a Christian man for me to marry, and I’m very tired of “waiting on the Lord” and praying about it.

    It may be easy convincing a 15 year old, or 25 year old, or even maybe a 35 year old Christian to hold on and wait, but Christian people over 40? Good luck.

    • Ivan

      God is most glorified through you when you are most satisfied in Him. Through your suffering in staying single yet pure God is being glorified by your decision to stay that way rather than give in to sinful temptation. That doesn’t mean God does not have someone planned for you, even at 40. Don’t be impatient like Abraham, who’s wife eventually gave birth to a child as promised at a very old age, trust in God and His provision.

      • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

        Ivan, while I agree with you, I think it’s easier said than done – especially given the “instant” nature of our culture. We don’t like to wait for anything. And then you add to that the overly sexualized nature of our culture and the message is clear — don’t wait for anything, especially something as great as sex.

        And when the Church chooses to be silent on the topic, or simply says “No!” or “Don’t do it!” then believers — young and old alike — struggle to know how to interpret what they see and hear in the world around them, as well as how to deal with the strong feelings and urges they feel from within.

        How would you further help or encourage those who want to be faithful to God, but struggle in this area?

        Thanks for taking the time to share!

        • Ivan

          Pray for a stronger back, not a lighter cross. For instance, ask God to give you strength in temptation rather than ask Him to take away those desires, as they in themselves aren’t evil.

          Also out your focus on other things rather than sex. Read Scripture that pertains to that issue, like 1 Cor. 10:13, which states that God will not give us more than we can bear and will even give us a way out.

          So, when we feel extreme pressure from within and we don’t think we can bear it, we should keep in mind that God knows we are capable of handling such stress.

          • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

            unless those desires are not evil desires like we have come to think…should I pray for a stronger back on imaginary sins? for example the imaginary sin of eating unclean meat?…it was a real sin for Jews, Jesus was a Jew and yet he abolished it becasue it was and this is key now….AN UNNECESARY BURDEN CREATED BY MEN..if this whole issue of sex before marriage in its strict sense is ever found guilty of bein an unnecessary burden on humanity, then The Holy Spirit will guide us and shows us the way out the new curse of this new law.

        • john r gaither

          coming from black cluture where pre martial sex has destroyed most blacks future and doomed most of their children anytime an women has sex with an man she may risk being with child under co nditions as an common law wife with no protection for her self and her child can get very limited support due to not full legal marriage ,its better to avoid this as much as possible i do not expect non christens to heed these warnings , but the people of faith should not engage in sex with anyone you will not marry it to risky

      • Tariq

        Dear Ivan, God bless you , very good text

    • Davin

      The thing is you have to remember is that this world is temporary if you dont get married or have sex here, guess what? If you are saved at the end of times, you have all eternity to find a mate, in heaven there will be new people, and age wont matter, you will find a perfect mate, and sex wont stop, neither will offspring, sex is ment for producing a life, and sex was in the garden, so offspring was meant to happen, you can still have children and enjoy everything we have now, without the sin, over population wont be a problem bc God can create more lands for us to populate, and by waiting you are accepting Gods plan for your life. Keep the faith that God has the best in mind for you.

      • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

        Davin, I’m curious to learn where you find this understanding of the afterlife in scripture?

        • Davin

          Im not getting it from scripture, a lot of it would be left up to imagination, but in this its just logic, why would God give man a woman in the garden, if it was just for social purposes, God saw that he had not made a female human, so he made one, and still charged them with the same as he charged the animals and plants, to go forth and multiply, and after our transfiguration at the end of times, we shall be perfect once again, just like in the garden, why would God change the design of His creation, we’ve been given our punishment, and paid for it in full, why punish us more?

          • D

            Logic? Nice try…

    • http://www.facebook.com/thecantalop Yasser Osama

      hey , although I’m a Muslim but , I found this page while searching about this exact topic of how the christianity tells about sex before marriage and how christians themselves find that subjects , I’ve travelled to Germany and chatted with me about this also , some don’t find it’s sinfull at all but only a few agree with me about what the bilble says :
      “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” .. 1 Corinthians 7:2 , and also how the non-muslim people find it very strange that Islam permits for the man to marry more than one woman ” offcourse there are certain roles about it but it’s out of subject now ” , and I think that Islam have found a solution for your problem hundreds of years ago , and we share that sex before marriage is absolutely forbidden , we share that adultery is forbidden , wine , gambling and so many other things but Idon’t know how christians keep on persisting that Islam is a totally diferent religion , and here is some story I want to tell : ” one day when I was in germany having my tee with my colleagues and I found one of them sitting and seemed really upset , so I asked his friends why he’s upset they said they don’t know , then I asked why you don’t ask him ?! .. they said : it’s not our business .. !! , so that was strange but I asked him and he didn’t hesitate to answer me and open his heart to me and say : my girlfriend is now pregnant ( I was not shoked as expected if some egyptian muslim would have told me this because I know how things go outside Egypt ) so I said ok , u better marry her then , and then he cried in tears and told me after : she refused , and here I opened my eyes widely and starred at him with no possible answer to come out of my mouth , and I said there is a major problem and it’s not political , not economic and not mental , but it’s strictly religious .

      • http://www.facebook.com/thecantalop Yasser Osama

        by the way , excuse me if I’m intervening with you and the other christians on this page , but I have just found the subject interesting and I have a message I want to tell , that’s all ..

        • http://www.facebook.com/thecantalop Yasser Osama

          and here’s my mail if you’d like to chat more about that ..
          thecantalop@yahoo.com

        • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

          Yasser, thanks for sharing your thoughts and insight! It’s clear that this is an issue that stretches beyond the borders of any one faith, which I believe speaks to how God has ultimately designed us all.

        • Tariq

          Dear Yasser, I am impressed with your statement. Yes we should follow the God”s instruction about every thing. God: rules and regulation are good

  • Tom

    This is all completely crazy. You think pre-marital sex is poisoning the minds of teenagers? No. It’s people like you, Please, for the good of mankind, stop trying to suck the life and soul out of these kids just because you had the same done to you when you were younger. How do people grow? By learning from their mistakes, so let them make their own mistakes and stop forcing your religion down their throats. Murder is a sin. Stealing is a sin. Rape is a sin. Explain to me why the simple act of sex between two people who are attracted to each other and want to make each other feel good is a sin.

    • johnr gaither

      sorry you are out of line pre martial sex is like putting an shell in a gun spinning the barrel and firing , if you keep this up you will be shot, it risking your good future, do you want an child with someone you will not marry , i hope no one does so it as an possible good endings ,it record on history is bad

  • truthseeker

    I would like to offer my perspective on this as a young person who struggles with this very issue. I think the problem my generation has with the explanations that have been given to us is that they don’t address the culture we live in. The rules that are given to us are black and white and are written in the context of people living in a very different world than we live in today. There was no contraception in biblical times so the act of intercourse carried with it a level of responsibility that isn’t necessarily present today. Today we have problems with overpopulation which makes me question why God made sex so pleasurable if it is only for the means of populating the earth. Many children are born whose parents cannot take care of them simply because its a “sin” to use contraception.

    This type of thinking is why I believe so many young people leave Christianity today. People want real answers that they can understand and that speak to the world they live in.

    It’s easy for our parents generation to tell us to just wait for marriage because they grew up in a time when a man could support a family without having a college education. My dad got married when he was 18, had a wife and two kids, and was still able to support his family and pay his way through college with a job as a carpenter. Yes, he had to work very hard to do that, but that is no longer possible today. I have a bachelors degree as a graphic designer and can barely support myself working around 60 hours a week. Hopefully by the time I’m 30, (27 now) I’ll be able to afford to have family. The point is, the literal interpretation of the bible that so many evangelicals take sounds preposterous to my generation. We grew up with the internet, and we can easily do a fact check to find out whether what you are saying is the truth or just another literal interpretation of the bible that makes huge logical fallacies and leaps in reasoning.

    I think 1 Corinthians 7 answers the question at hand when Paul says, everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Is premarital sex a sin? Well it isn’t explicitly stated as one unless you are using KJV which takes almost every different word for sex and lumps it into the word “fornication.” Is it a good idea? I think each person’s situation is different and every action has consequences whether they be good or bad. I seriously doubt that sex in a comitted relationship, done responsibly is going to damn anyone to hell. That’s just my opinion though, so take it for what it’s worth.

  • Truthseeker

    I would like to offer my perspective on this as a young person who struggles with this very issue. I think the problem my generation has with the explanations that have been given to us is that they don’t address the culture we live in. The rules that are given to us are black and white and are written in the context of people living in a very different world than we live in today. There was no contraception in biblical times so the act of intercourse carried with it a level of responsibility that isn’t necessarily present today. Today we have problems with overpopulation which makes me question why God made sex so pleasurable if it is only for the means of populating the earth. Many children are born whose parents cannot take care of them simply because its a “sin” to use contraception.

    This type of thinking is why I believe so many young people leave Christianity today. People want real answers that they can understand and that speak to the world they live in.

    It’s easy for our parents generation to tell us to just wait for marriage because they grew up in a time when a man could support a family without having a college education. My dad got married when he was 18, had a wife and two kids, and was still able to support his family and pay his way through college with a job as a carpenter. Yes, he had to work very hard to do that, but that is no longer possible today. I have a bachelors degree as a graphic designer and can barely support myself working around 60 hours a week. Hopefully by the time I’m 30, (27 now) I’ll be able to afford to have family. The point is, the literal interpretation of the bible that so many evangelicals take sounds preposterous to my generation. We grew up with the internet, and we can easily do a fact check to find out whether what you are saying is the truth or just another literal interpretation of the bible that makes huge logical fallacies and leaps in reasoning.

    I think 1 Corinthians 7 answers the question at hand when Paul says, everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Is premarital sex a sin? Well it isn’t explicitly stated as one unless you are using KJV which takes almost every different word for sex and lumps it into the word “fornication.” Is it a good idea? I think each person’s situation is different and every action has consequences whether they be good or bad. I seriously doubt that sex in a comitted relationship, done responsibly is going to damn anyone to hell. That’s just my opinion though, so take it for what it’s worth.

    • Truthseeker

      I would like for this comment to be removed, i have reconsidered what i wrote and i don’t want anyone to take my opinion as a reason to sin. Sometimes our pride leads us to think we know better than God, and this is folly. This is a hard issue, but as true believers we need to humbly submit to God’s will for our lives and seek holiness over the desires of our flesh. I hope those that are struggling with this issue, as well as myself will find a godly mate to enjoy the gift of sex with inside the bounds of marriage as this is the only clearly prescribed way scripture says believers should engage in sexual behavior.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

        What we believe in ourt hearts is quite differently from what we profess outloud, I admire your honesty in both cases, you are a true truth seeker. May that truth find you and give you peace, a peace I also seek and need myself.

        • Matthew Roy Ray

          You are a good woman AB Salazar. I can barley see you. Shh. don’t tell anyone. but I am working on Jesus Returns To Earth which should be in print in 9 months from now a year at the most. I’m going as an unknown author. You know something AB Salazar it is a sin to give a bad drug to somebody for writing action stories. I want to share the start of my story with you. It is the best Jesus Returning To Earth story to come. Those who have troubled me shall be punished by God. I am doing black and blonde checkerboard hair and beard in 4-5 months for money. I write and sing the best.

        • Matthew Roy Ray

          My nickname is creeper. I have bad luck with girls but I’m the most handsome. I looked you up Salazar and saw you married.
          This is from my book Jesus Returns To Earth. Shh. I am an unknown author they steal my money. I will be done in less than a year ready for print. It will be over a million words. I hope a movie someday.
          “Satan your influence on earth I shall mark the end of it. You were defeated by me, but just not yet removed. You know what you fear the most. ME RETURNING TO EARTH.”
          “I knew my time was short,” said Satan. “That is why I have came with such great wrath.”
          “I can remember when the angel held the key that bottemless pit. You were bound for a thousand years.”
          “You needed me. You needed me now.{He pointed at Jesus when he said, “You.” and you need me now.”{He pointed at Jesus when he said “you.” He pointed at himself when he said, “me.”
          “I let you go when the thousands of years ended. You came out of the prison and you came to deceive the nations.”
          “And you knew I would do it.” said Satan.
          “I needed you to test people’s faith for the second coming of me to earth. All kinds of destruction, the wickedness, and earthquakes. Now is the time that you cannot have power over people anymore. For those who have been faithful to me, I shall rule over them for 1,000 years.” said Jesus.
          Satan said, “The wars, the earthquakes, the storms and all the suffering on earth during the times of great trouble. They stopped loving you and turned to me. You destroyed the crops of hailstones.” said Satan.

          • Matthew Roy Ray

            continued. from my story to come in 1 year. it is modified on my computer. “The book of Mormon was supposed to be published by prophet Joeseph
            Smith into English Language and you killed him and wrote your own book
            of Mormons and published it. I was not gonna burn you in the lake of
            fire again. That is how they knew that I was going to return to earth
            again. The missonaries that were taught and told to preach the gospel
            was you and your little demons. There would be no more misery in
            Missouri. For the righteous are to dwell there as Jerausalem was built.
            And you bombed them DAMN YOU. The good people will not be destroyed now
            that I’m back on earth. They won’t be afraid and for the wicked they
            will not rise for a period of 1,000 years years from their graves known
            as the millennium.”

            “Then why did you let me rule on earth until you return?” asked Satan.
            “You allowed me to cause people to give into temptation.”

            Jesus said, “You will be defeated on the final day for all of your lies and deceits.”

            “What are you waiting for? THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR MAKING ME THAT
            POWERFUL. Come on Jesus come get me. Limit my powers and try to kill
            me.”

            Jesus said, “You won’t get away.”

            “I will for some time.”

            “Then YOU WILL BE DAMNED FOREVER.

      • Truthseeker

        Ok so, anybody can have the same username to post. I don’t think you guys are the same person, and especially looking at both of your writing styles it’s definitely easy to tell that you guys are 2 different people.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      wow how can you change so quickly and so drastically your opinion on this matter, it shows you struggle with it still, even at this very moment, but you know what? life, in its entirety is a struggle, and most churches dont realize this yet, they want a sure answer on everything, absolutism is very dangerous for belief..you know if you follow strictly what your conscious tells you instead of what the church or your pastor, or who ever is in charge..you and all of us will end up in hell forever and ever and ever…no way out..according to them and also according to those who Jesus fought so passionately against. So trust the reasoning you gave on the other response, because it makes more sense than most of the dogmas from the past, question everything or test everything like st paul says..stay with what its good..but never betray your conscious, its more sacred than any law, becasue God the true God lives there, test it of course but fundamentally trust it..cause I am sure you are not Hitler or Bin Laden, nor Caligula nor Hugh Heffner. God bless you!

    • A fellow Christian…

      You know it’s really all about understanding what God says…we as Americans have viewed marriage in terms of signing papers and the whole nine yards. The real question is what EXACTLY is marriage from God’s perspective. Is it a committed relationship or marriage exactly, but to what degree is marriage. Marriage could mean devoted to one another until you declare to God that you will be with that person, which then, could make sex OK inside of an engagement. Or it could mean that only when one declares to God that you agree to be with a person will make it OK to only have sex after you do that. There are many possible answers to this, but what WE Christians have is the power of prayer. God will let us know personally what is right and what is wrong. Who knows, maybe it’s right for some people and wrong for others. This is just my opinion. WE JUST DON’T KNOW GOD’S WAY OF THINKING.

    • Jeff

      I hop you will see my comment above on the truth you’ve been seeking to set you free.

  • Someyoungguy

    I think of sex before marriage in terms of eternity. If you do it once, it’s done. If you do it with several differen’t partners and you don’t honor each bond you create, it’s done for eternity, it becomes adulterous. Simple, logical and sound. Repent.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      so you are not against sex before marriage, you are against multiple partners without any sense of commitment right?

  • AgginLaeR

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA talking about the bible as if it’s a work of non-fiction… HAFHSDfasdlnfhkljasdf

  • Alyssa

    Well…From my perspective, I am a college student in a long term committed relationship, my fiance and I are getting married in 3 months and have been together for three years. We started having sex 2 and a half years into our relationship, after getting engaged. It may just be a justification that we’ve created to be able to have sex, but we truly believe that the message the bible tries to get across about sex is commitment first. We don’t believe you have to wait to sign papers and have a ceremony before having sex, we just think that you have to be completely committed in a monogamous relationship with the serious intention of marriage. I think that premature and promiscuous sex is a sin, but I don’t think the intention is as clear cut as “you absolutely have to be married”. Marriage now a days is so different than it was in biblical times. Women get to choose who they marry for instance. In the bible there’s a lot of talk about “if the woman isn’t a virgin on the wedding day stone her”, but not a lot of talk about if the man isn’t a virgin. So it’s hard to decide how the biblical passages on marriage apply to common day marriage.

    • Jeff

      Alyssa- I comment you for seeking the truth. I urge you to see my link posted above- but you may also start by asking these questions: 1) What are the Biblical requirements for officiating a marriage 2) Who married Adam and Eve and what ceremony was required?

  • Pingback: What is Sexuality? « Coffee with Christ

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  • A Widow

    I have a question for you Guy – What about a widow or widower in their late 50s, early 60s. That person may not want to necessiarly get married again, but does have the desire for closeness of a member of the opposite sex, including sexual relations. Are you saying that these individuals should never have sex again, even in a committed albeit non-mariatal relationship, unless they are married?

    • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

      Dear widow,

      Thanks so much for your question — as I think it adds a whole new dimension to our conversation here.

      As I read (and attempt to understand) the Bible, it seems to me that this is something God has created for enjoyment and procreation within the context of a marriage relationship.

      I think marriage — as a covenant before God, family and friends — sets the stage for this expression of love in ways that are different when explored or engaged in outside of marriage. And sure, the case can be made for distinguishing between one-night stands, casual hook ups, and a committed long-term relationship. But I think they all differ from a committed, loving marriage.

      My own experiences have served to further solidify my thinking in this way as sex has proven to be a powerful, sensual act that
      bonds us in inexplicable ways to our partner — and I cannot imagine bonding in this way with anyone other than my wife.

      I also recognize that the percentages for marriages that end in divorce are the same for Christians and non-Christians — which adds to the complexity of this conversation.

      I realize that I speak from my own understanding and experience — which is the best I have to offer.

      I think that our best efforts to honor God — and those we’re in relationships with — is to save this intimate, bonding act for marriage.

      What do you think? Is this helpful? Hurtful?

      • A Widow

        Thank you for responding. I struggle with this myself. When I do talk about waiting, it is met with disbelief and attempts to sway me from believing this (from non-Christians or those that are Christians but believe it is alright to have relations outside of marriage). I don’t mean from someone that is wanting to have relations, rather just in conversation with other women. I believe that I should wait – but it feels like at some point it won’t matter any more and I won’t care anyway. That makes me sad to think of not having that closeness/intimacy in my life again. Wanting to save the intimacy – and the desire to feel the intimacy are in continual conflict for me. I do believe that casual sex can have consequences and sometimes they are not fully apparent – not outwardly – but inwardly with esteem issues, feelings of inadequacy and shame when things don’t work out the way you had hoped. My past was different, but when you know better you do better.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

        True but those intimate long term relationships end up in marriage if they are honest enough ,so the question remains.The right question is this, like someone said here before, is having sex before marriage wise? this changes the whole attitude, perspective and outcome of how we feel and act about this issue, its not a question of …is this going to send me to hell? is this evil? is this a sin?…the original question is too broad, too black and white, like you admitted there many ways of having sex before marriage. Are they all illicit? thats a better question, but I think we fear to ask it this way because its sounds too much like the world asking it and not a Christian, so we need to get at the bottom of it to find the truth. Modern man is scientific almost instinctevely, we want evidence and reasonable reasons for why someone wants us to believe what they tell us, the old way of saying becasue God says so its almost irrelevant and quite offensive in this age, it sound too similar to an angry parent that obliges a child to follow his way and when the child disagrees and asks for further clarification the father says often with a loud and angry voice…Because I said so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…and in turn the parent is more childish than the child itself.

  • clueless

    The real question i think is what God considers marriage. When Adam and eve were married there was no ceremony, or certificate, or witness. What they had was a lifelong commitment made with God’s blessing. Now, I’m not pretending to know what God really thinks, but maybe the idea of commitment has been conformed to today’s socially accepted milestone of marriage. Maybe what God really meant to define as sin was uncommitted, open, casual sex.

  • oneofthem1s

    Isn’t this simply an excuse for Christians to enjoy their own selfish desires? As followers of God, we should constantly be putting others first, fulfilling their needs rather than worrying about our own. I actually just wrote a blog entry about this very issue. You can check it out here:

    http://oneofthem1s.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/divorcing-tradition/

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      Every act however beautiful and meaningful has a selfish component, even if you do something amazing for someone deep inside you feel good about yourself and that can be considered selfish it you really think about it..if you do it to please an angry God you are seeking your OWN salvation..remember what we were taught?..there is no salvation in pairs..everything we do is to go to heaven..thats is the ultimate narcissism. We should do things because they are good IN THEMSELVES not expecting reward or punishment..even if God did not exist. Black and white, Heaven and Hell we are used to this duality from childhood, its the only way to survive for a child..if I do this I get a candy bar but if I do that i get spanked but we dont know why that is we simply obey either to get pleasure or to avoid pain.Thats wrong and it was instilled in us with good reason and good intentions but once you get older it becomes traumatic and burdensome, a neverending guilt trip about basic human behaviour I am not talking barbaric attitudes here or Hitlerian antagonism…just plain normal human emotions that are demonized to the point of suicide in some cases, thats not Jesus to say the least.

  • the real deal

    What most “Christians” fail to realize is that Jesus came to do away with the old law (old testament rules and regulations that binded jews to certain religious neccesities). When jesus came, it was to offer a direct route to God, and his teachings where not “laws”. Being the intelligent people that Jesus and the other architects of the new testament where, their directions to the early church she more of guidlines to have a happier and more fulfilling life. Anybody can find to Jesus, and I believe that as long as youve acknowledged God in your everyday life and strived to be a positive influence to those around you so that they may find a relationship with God as well, you will be saved. Oh, and get off your high horses. Leave the judgment to He who holds the book and show some Christ like compassion.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JC5V3H74SFZHA4MGESGJEKH7IA John

    IMHO there is a huge – HUGE difference between being sexually profligate and engaging in ANY sex prior to marriage. Is it possible that sex before marriage is sinful, but no less so than a candy bar or a second glass of wine? I don’t want anyone corrupting their morals on my account, either, but I do believe that the whole sex thing has been blown completely out of proportion by the fanatics, leading to repression and craziness. People used to marry much younger, and start having as many kids as quickly as possible to prevent starvation if they lived beyond the years of producing their own food. For very good reasons, people are marrying later now, and having fewer children. I think it’s irresponsible of religious leaders to expect people to be asexual for a good part of their adult lives. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that I advocate a orgiastic lifestyle. There is such a thing as moderation. How many times does the Bible mention “concubines” of holy men? What about those? Perhaps having sex with sensible protection is less sinful than that first cigarette..

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JC5V3H74SFZHA4MGESGJEKH7IA John

      To add one more thing: most people define “adultery” as sex when one of the partners is married to another. Expanding that to include all sex outside of marriage might be sensible, or not.

      In a world where an entire nation goes to war and kills thousands without justification, AND does it repeatedly, as has the USA, and supposed “Christians” nod assent, to go around pointing fingers at people for having sex is preposterous.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      Tell me about it I am catholic and we are the superchampions of repression man! hahhaha..in my tradition perhaps yours as well…any sexual oulet is a sin..any…the only way out is in your dreams and I am not kidding about this, the only possible sexual pleasure or release is within a hot dream man haha..thats crazy!!..no wonder Freud had a field day with us! may God bless you and all the other chirstians who are waking up and thinking before accepting everything as ordainded by God or Jesus.

  • Mohannad

    in the quran it states

    the words that are in between ” marks are arabic words i couldnt translate but this is one verse that talks about sex

  • Greg

    I have done some preliminary research into the whole idea, and as far as I can tell, in all the bible versus quoted by people saying no sex before marriage don’t really deal with sex before marriage. They do talk about staying away from sexual immorality, but not really what is and isn’t sexually immoral. It’s like people in the context of the time those versus were written assumed that it was wrong because in their view sex before marriage was sexually immoral and that has just been passed on. I’ve always been told as a Christian that the bible should be used to define terms used in it, and that should be the basis of truth. I’ve also considered that if the bible doesn’t mention the issue and chooses a side, then we are free to make the decision ourselves. If it doesn’t say that sex before marriage is wrong or sexually immoral.
    However, what I do believe is that while the bible doesn’t forbid sex before marriage, it does forbid sex without love. There has to be some loving intent. I am still a virgin, and I intend to lose it with someone that I love, deeply care for and trust. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It is all about the love for another and the commitment for each other, the relationship. While some might have shallow sex, ie meet, have sex, and leave without seeing each other again, it is unfulfilling, even for non-christians, they will just keep coming back again and again. It is the emotional love and the spiritual love that makes the physical love so fulfilling and so beautiful. Those who have no sex before marriage are just those who need to make sure that they love them enough to commit a life together. I just want to make sure that I am in a loving fulfilling relationship in the other aspects before ‘it’ happens.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      I agree with you, but how do we know we are not lying to ourselves about the love we feel for that other?..can a 15 year old really love, know the real meaning of love?..but i guess no one really knows what love truly is, how God loves we are only carbon copies sort of speak and if we wait to love prefectly to have sex with someone than we might as well be asexual, cause if you think about it, true love, the one God wants us to aspire to requires more than being faithful, more than being nice, more than anything we could ever do, love is perfect and who can truly say they love with perfection?…so the connection between love and sex is not that clear now isnt? althought thats a strict definition of love of course but thats whats in the bible…love is kind, is not selfish an so on. Of course love is a precondition to have sex, but what is love? and how does one know he loves everytime he or her has sex?.

      • ComingJudgement

        The love you feel is real. Some are confusing infatuation with love, but that is distinguished by the longevity of the emotion. Those who claim love have a longer threshold of time to apply to it. Jesus said that the litmus test of love is the laying down of one’s life for the other as he displayed on the cross. We as fallen humans are incapable of that kind of love because of the deceitfulness of our hearts and fallen nature. Therefore, we must rely on God’s word the bible more than our own understanding. This goes back to what Greg said, and adding something to the law that God did not say is called legalism. You can see what Jesus had to say about that when he spoke to the pharisees.

  • Brana

    My Name is James Anderson..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until
    I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some
    business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for
    almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love
    her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at
    the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married
    happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me
    she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back
    from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads
    from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all
    did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell
    caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name
    and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a
    try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when
    he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and
    that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help
    me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all
    this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days
    later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she
    will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never
    believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no
    solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with
    a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy
    been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really
    changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many
    friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to
    him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever
    experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone
    who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him
    here: obadamtemple@gmail.com

  • luna

    speaking from the perspective of the generation your questioning. the answer is pretty simple. no its not a sin. in no original text does any wording describe it as such. second the definition of marriage as we know now is not the same as it was 6000 years ago. and lastly our culture has changed dramaticly if make young people choose sex or religion the vast majority will chose sex.

  • Diana

    Sex is not a sin. Sex is a beautiful free gift of God. What is a sin is cheating and hurting someone, not remaining faithful, not being honest and committed, now those are some sins that must be dealt with.

    • john r gaither

      you got the right name diana

  • Hamtonio

    I honestly think that culture has to be taken into consideration when talking
    about the Bible (or any other book for that matter). Although the Bible is not
    a book, it is a collection of books.

    The Jews were heavily culture based. It was a patriarchal society. Women were
    property, which carried consequences if that property wasn’t ‘new’ when a
    daughter was given over for marriage. Men made those laws, God gave the Ten
    Commandments…and Jesus summed those up with two, Love the Lord thy God and
    love thy neighbor as thyself.

    Those same men made laws that considered anything that didn’t fit into a
    category as unclean. This includes anything in the water that doesn’t have
    scales (shrimp, lobster, squid…) is unclean…or an abomination. I understand
    the significance for the period of time they were in and they needed to abide
    by it. But today, I don’t believe that’s the case. If you live by the law, you
    are judged by the law. I’m a gentile, not a Jew. Jesus teaches about men’s
    hearts (motives).

    Also, translation issues can come into play, too. But I won’t address that.

    The biggest problem I see with this issue is that it’s not how we were created.
    As mentioned in the article, hormones are raging. Well, in Biblical times and
    still today in Jewish religion, a boy becomes a man at 13…and can take a
    wife. We put men in jail for that in our culture!

    Back in the day when the Bible was written, there were reasons for what was
    written. Paul was writing to the different churches back in his day. He was
    also biased. Again, it was his view. It wasn’t Jesus or God. God gave us His
    law. Moses was blinded in getting it from Him. The rest is a story of how God
    saved the world and how He is always there for us and that we are judged by
    what’s in our hearts. Yes, we must believe in Jesus, but I don’t think that
    there is an asterisk there that states if we have premarital sex in the year
    2012 the contract with God is null and void. David killed a man, committed adultery…and
    was still a man after God’s own heart. Those were two violations of the Ten
    Commandments. Not tertiary commandments written by other priests, but those
    laws given by God himself.

    I think it’s important to weigh in the cultural influence on what’s written
    along with common sense and with motives. Is what you’re doing deceitful, are
    you killing someone, are you loving money or things more than God…that kind
    of thing. As for the fornication, it says the same thing about gossiping, too. The
    Bible ranks gossiping right up there with wickedness. Now, gossiping does hurt
    others.

    I’m
    only saying I don’t think anyone is perfect. I certainly don’t think we’ve
    translated the Bible perfectly (especially since words have changed completely
    in the last 100 years in the same version of the Bible…and there are admittedly
    mistakes made that have been corrected since). I think it’s most important to
    live your live loving God and loving others. If you stay within that realm,
    you’re doing better than most people.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      that was amazing man!!!! I think you got it better than the las 2000 years of church history, few have the purity and courage to state what you just stated. If everything was really so rigid and strict, NO ONE WOULD BE SAVED, NO ONE AT ALL, becasue like you said..gossip can be just as harmful as anything else..and man do we tend to gossip even on our deathbeds!!!!

    • Paul

      This post is a year old now, and not sure if people still pay attention to it.

      My take is that most people who believe that the bible prohibits sex before marriage is that it’s all based on the new testaments use of the word fornication, which using modern definations, defines it as sex outside of marriage. However, the original word Pornea is defined by Strong’s as ; 4202. porneia por-ni’-ah from 4203; harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively, idolatry:–fornication.

      4203. porneuo porn-yoo’-o from 4204; to act the harlot, i.e. (literally) indulge unlawful lust (of either sex), or (figuratively) practise idolatry:–commit (fornication).

      Thus brings up the question, what is unlawful sex, or sexual immorality? God is very outspoken about what he dislikes, and outlines what he considers as sexual immoral. If it isn’t included in what God defines as sexual immoral, should man add to this list?

      Boil it down to the two greatest Commandments, Love God above all else, and Love each other as thy neighbor.

      I take the stance, that no where in the Bible, does it define that sex before marriage is a sin. It may not be good for you, as Paul states in Corinthians 6:12, All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

  • Kiwiingermany

    How can anyone write so much stupid nonsense on one page. There is not one single reason why young people should not have sex

    • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

      Dearest Kiwi,

      I’m not sure how you found your way to this page, or what you might have been hoping to find, but your comment does not offer much invitation into conversation.

      You’re welcome to offer your opinions, respectfully so, and engage in conversation. But i do ask that you’d be considerate of people who don’t hold the same opinions that you do.

      And if you’d like to offer any more insight into your comment about there not being “one single reason why young people should not have sex,” most of us would love to hear it.

      Thanks.

  • Julie

    Galatians 5:20 should help ;)

  • Melvin

    Here is what I think. Adultery…is a form of having sex in your mind even. While masturbating and imagine the person…is another form of adultery. From the bible context as I know…forgive me for I cannot remember it…sex before marriage…leads to a huge contrast of commitment. In other words, once you have had sex with your current spouse in a relationship, you will only be committed to her. Strictly one and only. That is why, God does not like divorce. Eventually, He did mention saying, having sex is a commitment not only just to your current spouse but its a commitment in your heart to Him as well. To make it simple, you are getting married in his eyes. And if you are not ready or you feel it isn’t right, then that means its not your time yet. So know where your relationship stands before it. Sex is not a play toy. Its a gift. Its commitment. It does not come and go. Also, you must not commit sex with another person once you already have had sex with your current spouse. Its a no wonder why God wants us to think before anything else especially when it comes to commitment.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      Yes this is true from the ages of 1 to maybe 25 at most and I do agree with the overall commitment part, and I dont agree with a 14 year old having sex because he thinks he is in love hahaha..of course not. But what about those who are in the road to get married, and that road can last quite a long time sometimes for infinite reasons, it happened to me cause I lived in another country and I could only see her when I travelled there, which was not very often and yet I married her and she is the MOST PRECIOUS GIFT GOD EVER GAVE ME, MORE THAN MY OWN LIFE. We had sex before official marriage but assure you with the full force of truth that we were married long before in our hearts, minds and souls and God is our witness, the only witness that matters in the end, cause people talk and can be corrupted very easily, they swallow lies very often…how many have gone to a wedding and witnessed a failure instead?..because its the heart that ultimately matters, everything else are tools to help us accomplish it easier.

  • jim

    Do you mindless sheep realize how fucked this discussion is? Why would a person need permission from a third party to have sex? Jesus, the Christ, has not been seen or heard from for over 2, 000 years!

  • jim

    The post

  • jim

    There are lots of different gods, Jesus hasn’t been seen for quite some time, Paul is a poser, the holy spirit has great difficulty in being a unifying force in the christian community. Look at the fact folks and don’t believe everything you think.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      If the Holy Spirit has had any difficulty in keeping us together its because we have the total freedom to accept its guidance or not. I agree with not believing in everything we hear, see or read on the outset, but there is a difference between arrogance and doubting, questioning to get to the truth, specially in trivial matters that reside in gray areas as opposed to black and white for example killing 20 children with a rifle and hand gun, thats black and white, its impossible to justify or explain such and act, there is no getting around it, its evil period. You say.”There are lots of different gods, Jesus hasn’t been seen for quite some time, Paul is a poser, the holy spirit has great difficulty in being a unifying force in the christian community”…why should anyone take that as fact? how do you prove this? you are a victim of your own argument, not because it doesnt contain some truth in it, but more for its absolutism. You leave no room for debate or doubt, it sounds like infallible statements, and that is an error at best.

  • Jessica

    I do not know if you guys are still reading and replying to this.
    I am having that problem myself, as well.And I am a college student.

    Why is sex prohibited, if you and someone are in a loving relationship and are very committed to each other, cook for each other, clean up, live together but are not married by name(legally)? The bible stresses the importance of love the whole time.
    Why is sex prohibited if it is an act of love, physical acceptance, closeness and deeper connections with your partner?

    Also, the bible was spoken to people a long time ago, and each one interpreted it in their own understanding and wrote it, and it got transferred throughout the generations. How accurate is everything in it that speaks of that matter?

    Also, I do not recall any story in the bible that is against sex with someone you love?
    Jesus forgives a prostitute Who is someone that 1. does not have 1 partner that she is committed to 2.does things for reasons that exclude love. That’s about the only story associated with sex that I recall. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

    Also, how come some teenagers or people are okay with doing sexual acts ( hand Jobs, masturbation,etc) but not sex? After all, if we are going to stick to the EXACT RULE, it is all under sexual immortality. So why exclude some and include some, according to your comfort?

    And as I was reading among the comments, someone mentioned that fact that Adam and Eve were not wedded in a ceremony. They were blessed by God.
    Can you not be blessed by God in your relationship ( a committed non-marital one) without the legal action of marriage in a church with witnesses and papers?
    After all, the church is the house of God. There was no church back when Adam and Eve were alive. But they were blessed by God and his direct presence with them.
    If you believe and feel God’s blessing in your relationship with your partner, is that not enough?
    Also, if you know that you are going to be together for the long haul and that you are going to get married, but what is stopping you is the education that you have to finish, the degrees, the job, the house and those things. Why is it wrong to make love with that person you love?The person you are dedicating your life and time for.. The person you are willing to give anything to. The person you care about the most and the one that you KNOW for sure that you are going to be with forever. Through the good and the bad times. Through the bitter and sweet. Through health and sickness..
    I think those feelings make love sacred. And seen by God. Whether it was on papers or not. Also note that papers are material and can be destroyed, just like rings. But what truly lasts is the inner love and connection. True commitment. This is immaterial. And can be eternal..

    • http://www.rileyadamvoth.com/ Riley Adam Voth

      Hey Jessica, just checkin out your comment like you mentioned, and I just wanna tell you I think you bring up some good points! You seem to have thought thru much of what many people have not, who would even disagree with your stance you seem to be taking. That’s good for you, sad for others. Haha. So my thoughts:
      Like many things in scripture, God doesn’t explicitly and specifically lay out everything we may wonder about sex and marriage, but instead we have to study the context and the overarching message of his whole desire from creation to Jesus to now. I myself believe if someone is going to state “this is when you’re officially married” then they’re subbing in their own thoughts on scripture – even our own governmental laws have multiple ways to get “officially married.”
      Yet, there’s one thing that I believe is very clear and unchanging in God’s expectations for us: Marriage was and is designed to glorify God by modeling many things about God – most importantly, Christ’s relationship with the church. So some things you can be sure of is that it’s committed (covenental actually), unconditional, and should be preserved for that one relationship! There’s one church (bride) and one Jesus (groom) and nothing else is even an option or matters in comparison.
      The problem with “just living together” is you’re faking all of it. It may “appear” real and even “feel” real, but if it is, then why is it conditional based on school, money, other people, material goods, etc.? If one of you jacks it all up in a moment of weakness, it’s easy as can be to walk away. Christ and the church don’t do this. It’s covenant. If you’re truly committed, then seal the deal… and get it on all you want. :)
      Oh and as far as Bible still accurate and worth applying: Totally! Truth is truth no matter the time and age. People’s hearts are the same as always.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

        But you cannot label it a sin!!!! everything you say is true, but God is above any institution, ANY. Yes official marriage makes us accountable sort of speak, but there are ways to get around that as well, divorce and all of that fun stuff. What matters like you said before is the heart, everything else passes away, including the ceremonies of marriage. Everything that helps to protect the love one proclaims to have for the other is WELCOMED, but once those things threathen the sacred union of two persons that want to spend their lives together then they become irrelevant and a hindrance. Money, college little things right?..yeah what a double message, cause I heard the other point made before..that we must be responsible!!! so what is it then? we should get married right away without money, a college degree, a house etc in order to have legal sex according to the church?…but I thought love involved responsibility, and not being able to be sexually intimate for all those reasons simply becasue you are not married officially is quite messed up given all that Jessica said is true.

        • http://www.rileyadamvoth.com/ Riley Adam Voth

          I’m afraid it seems you are quite set on justifying a lifestyle you’ve chosen. You have over 17 comments on this post all attacking anyone who dare disagree with your created theology instead of God’s. That makes you God. The one thing I understand from your post above and can respond to is this: “according to the church?”

          Don’t do anything “according to the church” but do it according to God’s word. That’s why the church does things too. You don’t get to write your own. If you do, keep trying, obviously hard, to justify your actions. You’ll never be satisfied. My main point is this: God loves marriage, and God loves you. So why would he not take care of you if you did marry young and crazy by world’s standards? :)

          • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

            I dont know if I am justifying or searching for the truth, all I know is any theology that we have, any opinion or point of view about God is human therefore it can be misleading and deceptive. The bible has to be interpreted by us, God does not speak directly to anyone hence he or she or it does not have a theology because theology is the study of God, God is perfect and does not need to study himself, therefore any theology can only come from us , his creation. I dont claim to have the truth at all, I may be wrong in ALL my assertions in the final analysis, but only God can judge me or anyone. I dont attactk anyone in a personal matter, but I do defend a point of view of the world, the same way you do and same way everyone here does, I do apologyze however if I come across as arrogant and such. I am very passionate about anything regarding this matters for it involves my whole being and according to the bible, even my own salvation. I have come to doubt many of the past dogmas and beliefs, not because I am capricious, but precisely because I think its so important to get it right. Just to be clear here, I dont oppose marriage that would be insane!..I am married myself, but like you admitted yourself before..”.its hard to tell when marriage begins”.that is very interesting and a profound insight, you arrived at that conclusion from experience I imagine, and that is the whole point I am getting at. The bible by itself can be emptyed of its meaning if we dont interprete it right, and there are a myriad of interpretations about every single line of the old and new testament, can they all be right?…are some invalid ones?…who can interprete the bible?..only the TEACHERS OF THE LAW? or can everyone be inspired and guided through the holy spirit? not just the elected?..I have more questions than answers, but I have my faith intact. God bless you and thank you for challenging me, thats what life is about, and thats what Jesus was about at its core, he came to challenge us, to dare to believe.

          • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

            I just read your reply to my comment and I found something that is contradictory to what you accuse me of. You say that I am God because I have interprete his Word in the bible in a certain way correct? …and what is exactly what you do?..let me quote from your text” Like many things in scripture, God doesn’t explicitly and specifically lay out everything we may wonder about sex and marriage, but instead we have to study the context and the overarching message of his whole desire from creation to Jesus to now”..study? interprete? huh? but I thought God was so direct that doing this was not necessary, well the truth is read the bible as much as you do, and cherish it as much as you do, it is THE BOOK OF ALL BOOKS, and yet like any book it needs interpretation, for I csn justify annihilation, murder, incest, slavery and all kinds of evils with citing you different parts of the old and new testament. So think before you attack me man.

          • http://www.rileyadamvoth.com/ Riley Adam Voth

            Yes you could say I’m “interpreting” as well, but as I say, I’m taking an all encompassing view from all of scripture. You are taking a desire of your own and looking for it in parts of scripture. There’s a big difference. One says, “You are God, what is it you’re saying?” The other says, “I want to be God. Can I make you say what I want?”

            Since you’re talking about ancient church, a great indicator for this would be does your interpretation line up with centuries of teaching throughout church history? If not, it’s likely you’re wacky. I know A LOT about how we got the Bible and the way we have what we have. It’s overwhelmingly solid / unchanged. I’m glad you’ve placed Jesus in his rightful place. We agree on that. :)

          • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

            Hey Riley! I feel the need to interject and ask that you keep things kind and civil — comments directed towards a healthy conversation, and never at an individual. Thanks.

          • http://www.rileyadamvoth.com/ Riley Adam Voth

            Absolutely, Guy. All done here. Terribly sorry if I’ve been abrasive for wrong reasons. Ah, I so never wanted in this thread – I’m way too close to the subject matter. I see it jack up lives every week :(

          • http://faithoncampus.com Guy Chmieleski

            No worries Riley! I think that’s a challenge for most in this thread. We all believe it to be a big deal, for varying reasons, and don’t want to believe we could be wrong in the matter. I do appreciate you sharing your insights on this subject — because there are plenty who read and opt not to.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      you are totally right!!! look the truth is most churches if not all want to help protect the sanctity of that union and the only way they think we will get it and do it its by forcing us to do so, if man never sinned there would be no need for churches or any law for that matter cause it was witten in our hearts by God, everything else that has come after the FALL are tools to get us back into that first state..very necessary tools I must admit, but not mandatory in every exact case and act we do!!!!…the point of marriage is that we act and see what YOU evidently see already on that girl, you got the point and so did GOD!..again all the rituals, ceremonies etc are NOT irrelevant, they help us see the importance of the choices we make on this life, but they are only a help, the only true requirement is to LOVE! that is hard enough to get and do, this is what Jesus came for, to show us THE WAY. Like I said before in other parts..any law, rule,moral code, ritual etc..that destroys the freedom of a human being, that makes him a slave to the system whether religious or not is WRONG! Jesus gave us that principle and he payed a high price for that, he gave us the real God, not ours which is a vengeful God that likes to kill now and then, thats not god thats us!!! if everything you say about what you feel and do with your woman, and if its not self deceit then you are ACTING IN THE RIGHT WAY AND GOD HAS ALREADY BLESSED YOU!!
      Pax in Christi.

  • http://nowthinkaboutit.com/ EnnisP

    It would help if we change the terminology. If sex outside of marriage is classified only as “sin” then what are the consequences? Sounds absolute. So we need to ask several questions.

    Is it sinful because it is sex? Is marriage the only thing that makes sex not sinful? From what I understand sex isn’t a sin any more than eating but it can be done wrongfully even in a marriage. Everyone agrees that it is sinful to be selfish in any context, having sex or not. Married partners have this problem also.

    The list you included is a good one but I would remove such words as purity and holy. These qualities are aspirations that can never be realized. There are problems with the other issues though. Sexual partners can exhibit all of those qualities without being married.

    I think a better way to ask the question is: is sex before marriage wise?

    • http://www.facebook.com/ab.salazar.71 AB Salazar

      Exactly! I could not agree more..you have to ask the right questions first and I think you finally did. I think marriage is the safest way to ensure the importance of that type of intimacy with the person you claim to love but…its not the only way, it should be encouraged but not imposed…life is not a rock, we have to adapt to never ending paradigms and ever new circumstances, we must do all that without loosing our humanity of course, but we can never be too rigid when it comes to trivial matters as sex. Another problem I see is how do we tell a 14 year old to reason like we just did? cause honestly most kids need rules, so its not as easy for a kid to deal so rationally like you or mature adults with a good heart.

  • Spyder

    I would like to ask, see if I get an answer…

    Apart from any book that Paul wrote, is there any other book or place in the bible that condemns Sex before marriage? What about Jesus’ own words?

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  • Bible Reader

    Deuteronomy 22:20 She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscous while still in her father’s house. Yes, sex before marriage is a sin. And we still go by Old Testament law to a certain extent. Paul wrote in Romans 7:7, “I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law.”

  • Bible Reader

    Deuteronomy 22:20 She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscous while still in her father’s house. Yes, sex before marriage is a sin. And we still go by Old Testament law to a certain extent. Paul wrote in Romans 7:7, “I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law.”

    • ComingJudgement

      She “played the harlot” because she was betrothed. If she was not betrothed, then she would not be stoned.. (Exodus 22:16-17, Deuteronomy 22:28)

  • GigiL

    In biblical stories you will notice that many characters had concubines. Most notably Solomon, but David as well. The Lord never really mentioned that he found this displeasing and never said anything negative in regards to the concubines. I lean toward believing that women were more valuable as Virgins and if they had sex outside marriage they were looked at as used goods. Kinda like Tamar, Absalom’s sister. She was disgraced when she was raped and it suggests she never married since she stayed with her brother. Women were used to create alliances between families and produce children so wealth could be passed down to fathers sons. If women were having sex with whoever they wanted to be with, it would make it difficult to create alliances since they would be less desirable and possibly already have illegitimate children. Today, we don’t really have these same social issues and women are looked at much differently. We work, we vote, we have basically the same rights men do. I don’t believe that ANYONE, male or female should be having sex with anyone they want, when they feel like it. We are taught to be disciplined and not be lustful or sexually immoral. However, If you believe the person you are with truly loves you and you love them, if your responsible with one another, I don’t think it would be considered sexually immoral. But that’s a personal opinion. The best answer is to pray to the Lord. Ask him to teach you what is right through the Spirit and then you will now what is acceptable. True worshipers of God worship in Spirit and truth.

  • http://twitter.com/ifanychristian If Any Christian…

    We must remember to not put anything before God. That includes sex. The danger of having sex without marriage is that in most cases it becomes an idol. And yes, it is a sin to have an idols put before God. It also causes you to lust after the oposite sex for pleasure. In our society sex is priority in a relationship, and we are to be set apart from that. Also, the primary reason for sex IS to have kids; the pleasure we receive is a blessing that we have received from God while creating life. No one said it was easy, but the benefits of having a sex inside of a marriage far outweighs having sex outside. God only tells us these things for our own good. This is all for our benefit. Let us all pray for discernement in our lives, for wisdom, knowledge and understanding.
    “Lean not on your own understanding, but in ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.”
    The devil is hard at work deceiving as we speak. Let us be aware of this and fight the good fight Christ has called us to do. Grace and peace.

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  • Truthseeker

    Hmm

  • Titus

    I see some people saying that sex before marriage is okay for a Christian, because times have changed and it is a different culture we live in. Sorry to break it to you, but that really is not an excuse. The devil is doing his best to make the world more and more secular from generation to generation. 50 years ago, if you were a proponent of gay marriage, you would likely be the outcast. Now if you speak against gay marriage you are the outcast. Same thing with abortion and lots of other issues. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He gave us all a conscience. FIRST, if you are truly walking with Jesus on a daily basis, and then you can seriously have premarital sex without having any remorse, well then that’s on you. However, I find it highly doubtful that true Christian’s will engage in such acts without having their conscience stricken. The people that are saying it is okay, probably are the type of Christians that go to church just for entertainment or only on Easter, and never bother to have a daily relationship with God in prayer and reading Scripture. Jesus clearly states in Mathew 7:14, “Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” I know we live in a culture today where the media promotes everyone to do what makes them happy, but let me tell you the Christian life is not really meant to be a happy life. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be at peace through all the trouble and sorrow you may face, but don’t get it twisted thinking as long as you are a “good” person doing “good” things you can do whatever you want that makes you feel happy. You have to learn that the true Christian life that Jesus intended involves significant sacrifices, but don’t worry if you can endure till the end you reward is surely in Heaven.

  • rex

    Is it yes or no

    • T

      Yes, sex before marriage is a sin.

  • Drake

    In the days that the bible was written most marriages were pre-arranged and between two distant cousins. Very little love if any was involved in the marriage. I feel that if the couple really and truly loves each other than they should after careful thought and consideration they should not feel any reason to not make love. As long as they both wish to and aren’t influenced or manipulated into it

  • InquisitiveMind

    If sex before marriage is clearly wrong, what level of sexual activity or contact is allowed? At what point is a person deemed sexually immoral?

  • Sex outside of marriage is sin

    Sex before marriage is sin. Ist Corinthians 6:13-20 says that fornication-Biblical term for sex outside the bonds of marriage is sin.
    I am waiting until I am married to have sex with the man I will spend the rest of my life with. No sex outside(before) of marriage for me!

  • Guest1120

    Does the bible REALLY say that sex before marriage is a sin? Yes. Pre-marital sex is mentioned as a sin in the bible under the word “fornication” which by definition means –voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other. (google it/or look in a dictionary).

    Here are some passages:

    1 Corinthians 6:18 reads: “Flee from fornication. Every other sin that a man may commit is outside his body, but he that practices fornication is sinning against his own body.”

    Matthew 15:19-20 read: “For example, out of the heart come wicked reasonings, murders, adulteries, fornications, thieveries, false testimonies, blasphemies. These are the things defiling a man; but to take a meal with unwashed hands does not defile a man.”

    Mark 7:21-23 read: “‘…for from inside, out of the heart of men, injurious reasonings issue forth: fornications, thieveries, murders, adulteries, covetings, acts of wickedness, deceit, loose conduct, an envious eye, blasphemy, haughtiness, unreasonableness. All these wicked things issue forth from within and defile a man.'”

    Galatians 5:19-21 read: “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, and they are fornication, uncleanness, loose conduct, idolatry, practice of spiritism, enmities, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, contentions, divisions, sects, envies, drunken bouts, revelries, and things like these. As to these things I am forewarning YOU, the same way as I did forewarn YOU, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s kingdom.”

    My abstinence experience:

    I’m a college student and I’ve chosen to wait. Its a VERY difficult wait. I think the most difficult things about it would partly be my curiosity and another person’s response. Some people automatically assume you think you are “too good” and are thinking that you are acting like your “too perfect” etc. I can’t even begin to explain my life mistakes but this was something I promised God. I in no way feel better than people. I’ve learned sexual thoughts are a trap. Look at our society though, you can’t escape what you see and hear. I find my fault is trying to lean on my own strength than God’s and that is where the weight of waiting feels heaviest. I don’t think waiting to have sex until marriage is impossible though. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phil. 4:13. Not my strength but His. Can’t focus on the world either. Have to decide what is more important. The World’s opinions or His?
    I love how merciful and gracious God is too. He said that he won’t let us be tempted more than we can handle AND provides a way out.(1 Corinthians 10:13) Its whether we want to take His help in a tempting situation if we’re really honest. And honestly, I’ve stumbled many times. And God is so good to pick me back up and help me on again. Don’t ever think abstinence is something to be ashamed of. Its not. And I believe anyone is capable of waiting. God Bless you if you’ve taken the time to read all this <3

    • ComingJudgement

      What does “fornication” mean? Does it mean to have sex with any woman who is not married? Let’s see what kind of fornication Paul is talking about to the Corinthians. In context, the kind of fornication Paul is talking about is sleeping with a father’s wife (1 Corinthians 5:1), and sleeping with a [married] whore (1 Corinthians 6:16-18). These are the two types of fornication that Paul is talking about to the Corinthians, because these are the types of acts that the Corinthians were doing at the time. Fornication is never defined, in scripture, as sleeping with an unmarried woman other than one who is not blood related. Never.

  • Sam Ricardo

    Well, I ave the same question. I read the Bible and I’ve not seen “Sex before marriage is sin” by now, only immorality sex, homosexualism, eg…

    I’m one of little virgin guys in my school.

    I think we have to have sex with we really love, but when a person has sex with many others it becomes prostituition, a immorality, a sin

  • Jtrimmer

    NO. theres your answer. The big guy up there gives us laws for protection just like children. put it this way… would you be upset if your kid was having protected sex? but they didn’t have protection back in the day…. so you were probably going to have a child. also, they got married at young ages so they didn’t usually have the chance to pick and choose partners… If you want the true answer…. ask him yourself.

  • Engourdi

    I have yet to meet a Christian who has had premarital sex, and did not feel condemned. I think humans know certain things are wrong even if not said in black and white, but we try to deceive ourselves. Even non-believers I have spoken to often say they wish they had waited till marriage because it would’ve been that much special. But I say we focus on a relationship w/ Christ that is genuine, and we will have the answers to all these things as they apply to our lives.
    And just a thought, isn’t premarital sex a form of adultery. If we are saved, our bodies belong to Christ, but premarital sex is giving it out to others, who do not own us. The only two people the Bible says owns us are Jesus and our spouse. So if the person is neither Jesus nor our spouse, are we not cheating for sharing our bodies with them.

    • Engourdi

      In addition, I see a lot of people are saying Biblical times were different. Biblical times were not that different. I used to be an ancient studies minor, and what the Pagans did sexually is 5X worse than anything done currently. Jewish culture was just strict , but the entire context of the world was not. If God placed those rules back then, in such a context, I’m sure they are the same rules today. Sex is a timeless issue.
      Also see 1st Corinthians 10:13
      “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.”

    • ComingJudgement

      This is the worst interpretation of scripture I’ve seen. 100% legalism. The legalists love tithes, marriage, and sex. They felt condemned because of the rampant legalism over pre-marital sex in the church. God says those that have sex should get married (Deuteronomy 22:28, Exodus 22:16-17). He did not demand a sin sacrifice nor demand a sin sacrifice if they later did not get married. I am pretty certain God was aware of two becoming one flesh. The joining your body to another person scripture you butcher in your last sentence comes from 1 Cor 6. Paul was speaking of prostitution, not pre-marital sex. End the legalism now!

  • ComingJudgement

    To the author of this article. I find it interesting how you are rolling your eyes at your “students” who are actually searching the scriptures to answer their question, but do not go into the same depth yourself to support your stance. Sexual immorality was plainly taught by God in the OT in great detail. The reason that these people are struggling is because it is not mentioned as a sin.

    I would like the author of this article to read this and respond with biblical proofs to support his findings. No philosophy or reasoning about disease allowed. Scripture only. http://www.ecclesia.org/truth/women_sin.html

  • tyler

    Yeah but u said not in exzact words

  • Jeff

    COUNTERFEIT SIN. Paul spent most of his time correcting false teachings in the 1st century. Imagine how much more we’ve gotten wrong in 2000+ years!

    Like me before, I’m sure you’ve never seen anyone present the whole truth like this and it WILL set you FREE from FALSE GUILT.

    http://counterfeitsin.tumblr.com/post/54067457887/if-all-lust-is-a-sin-stop-looking-at-your-wife

    Please share this link and help free others.

  • inkaboutit4u

    Inkaboutit4u.com reply

    Sex before Marriage is NOT a sin
    from the Bible.

    Check out my web pages for more
    details.

    The corrupt Catholic
    Church long time ago created wrong definitions for all sex terms in the Bible
    so they say sex is a sin and get a lot more indulgence money.. We still have
    the wrong definition today. Remember the Catholic Church burn people at the
    stake for making Bible so the common person could read it for themselves. So if
    they read it for themselves they will discover the lies about sex being a sin.
    So what to do. Come up with wrong sex word definitions. We still have them
    today.

    They have the WRONG definition for
    the word “fornication”, They say it mean single sex or sex before marriage to a
    “one man, one women” marriage. This is clearly the WRONG definition.

    Man made dictionaries only reflex
    how people are using or misusing the word at that time. ST. Paul definition the
    word “fornication” in 1 Cor 10:8 and the definition is found in Number 25: 1-9.
    This is clearly the correction definition of the word “fornication” which is
    the misusing your sexual freedom that God gave all people at creation to have
    many sex partners over a life time, was misused by joining
    in the worship of a pagan fertility god, one of Baals many gods. Joining
    in the Worshiping a pagan fertility god is NOT equal to sex outside marriage.
    There is a major big different. This was a major problem in all the Bible days,
    both OT and NT.

    Godly men had lot of God given
    sexual freedom in all the Bible and now, but NOT to join in with the pagan fertility
    god worship which was a great temptation in all the Bible. Read 1 Cor 10:8, Nu
    25:1-9, Nu 31

    On my web pages i go over 100% Bible
    verses that use the word “fornication” and show each time the context
    and meaning is the joining in the pagan worship of the fertility god. This is
    very clear.

  • james

    I was married for 4years with out any child,because of this my husband
    start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending
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    later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me
    he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few month later i
    got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with
    ourselves. Thanks to (Dr.BABA) for saving my relationship and for
    also saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested
    to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell
    caster email address is (okutemple@hotmail.com)

  • Tanya

    My name is Tanya i live in USA where Divorce seems to be the order of the day,i was married to my husband Lawson for 18 years and we were living happily together with our 3 kids and all of a sudden their came this sad moment for the first time in my life i curt my husband having an affair with a lady outside our marriage before this time i have already started noticing strange behavior like he used to spend some time with us, comes home early after work but since he started having an affair with this lady all his love for his wife gone and he now treats me badly and will not always make me happy.I had to keep on moving with my life never knowing that our marriage was now leading to divorce which i can not take because i love Lawson my husband so much and i can’t afford to loose him to this strange Lady,i had to seek a friends advice on how i could resolve my marriage problem and make the divorce case not to take place and my husband live this Lady and come back to me again having heard my story my friend decided to help me at all cost she then referred me to A spell caster named Priest Ajigar, my friend also told me that Priest Ajigar have helped so many people that were going through divorce, and also finding possible ways to amend their broken relationship. To cut my story short i contacted Priest Ajigar and in just four days after the spell was done my husband left the other lady and withdrew the divorce case all till now my husband is with me and he now treats me well and we are living happily together again all appreciation goes to Priest Ajigar i never could have done this my self, so to whom it may concern if you are finding difficulty in your relationship or having problems in your marriage just contact Priest Ajigar he is Powerful and his spell works perfectly,i am somebody who never believed or heard about spell but i gave it a try with Priest Ajigar and today every thing is working well for me and if you need his help his email is (priestajigarspells@live.com)

  • Tony Conrad

    Very subtle all of this. The scripture is plain on the matter. Fornication (sex outside of marriage) is wrong. Reasoning or questioning one’s way around it doesn’t come from God.

  • cannon shelly

    Am Cannon shelly from Usa, i am sharing about my experience and testimony online in search of a spell caster that will restore my marriage and make me live a happy life. I was introduced to a spell caster by my neighbor and i contact him. to my greatest surprise i never though that there was going to be a real spell caster for me but i was amazed when i met a real one in the person of His Majesty,HIGH PRIEST OZIGIDIDON who helped in in bring back my man and making me have a happy marriage and home and also help in restoring back my job and life and sincerely it is to numerous for me to mention, i just can’t thank him more that enough for all he has done but i want to sincerely thank him for restoring my hope that there are still real spell casters out there. Indeed he is so real and true to his job. i am glad i met him and i will hold him in high esteem till i leave this earth. Your HIGHNESS i will never let you go you are my foundation.High priest can be gotten on highpriestozigididon@gmail.com. i know when you contact him and he worked for you, you will definitely come back to thank me. high priest is so great and powerful.. i have lost the adjective to classify him.Thanks